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| The Boys - 1990 |
It was therefore an absolute revelation to watch my son and his best friend grow up over the years, the changes in roles and responsibilities and their transition from boyhood to manhood.
Dunjasja and I met in 1982 in Phalaborwa (in the now Mpumalanga) where we both worked for Avis. Dunjasja was then recently divorced with a 4-year old son, Victor. I was a single mom with a 3-year old son, James, who was at that time living with my parents and used to visit during the holidays. With this in common, we became firm friends and shared many a hysterically funny, often disasterous experiences while we got on with the job of earning a living to raise our kids.
A work promotion had me moving to Pietersburg (now Polokwane) in 1984 and James came to live with me. Shortly thereafter Dunjasja also moved to Pietersburg where her mum lived and the boys often played together. Dunjasja married an English soldier and spent some time in Namibia before relocating to Randburg.
Sometime during this period I had moved to Haenerstburg and was working at the Magoebaskloof Hotel. James attended the Haenerstburg Primary School as a boarder, because of my working hours. It was a great little school with small classes. The kids at times used to go to class barefoot and had huge play grounds to romp and do their sports.
In 1990, Victor was in Std 4 and having some difficulty with the school he was attending in Johannesburg. I suggested that Dunjasja send him to school in Haenertsburg where the pressure was less and life a whole lot less stressful. James was in Std 3 at the time and already being at the school would mean Victor would not have to feel isolated. Halfway through the year Victor arrived and James, although being a year younger was a foot taller and very much in protective mode and took care of his little friend, showing him the ropes and being a good buddy. Victor absolutely thrived and became Head Boy of Haenertsburg Primary School in Std 5.
Victor spent weekend with us but still took his studies very seriously and his influence taught James how to work hard academically. It is impossible to have fun and play while your friend has his nose buried in school work, so James followed suit and he too became Head Boy of Haenertsburg Primary School when he reached Std 5.
After leaving Haenertsburg Primary, Victor attend KES in Johannesburg. A year later, James also attended KES and this time it was Victor's turn to be the guide and take care of James. They both joined the school rowing club and it was quite a giggle to see Victor (as the cox) march eight huge, strapping boys down to the water carrying their boat above their heads.
This time James spent weekends with Dunjasja and her husband. Still being single at the time, James had no "Dad" and Victor had two - but was quite willing to share the male influence with his friend. Victor's Dad had a great job marketing upmarket gargets and toys so the boys often tagged along to shows and expo's and had a great time. Victor's step-dad was very much the "officer and gentleman" and not only taught the boys about working with their hands, also taught them how "things were done". Practical advice and suggestions from the one household, soon filtered into the other, so there was very little wriggle room for the boys - what ever was the rule in the one house, was applied in the other too. These influences together with the strict code of conduct from KES had the boys developing into highly disciplined, well-manned young men.
At the end of 1995 I got married and James at 16, attended Clapham High School in Pretoria. After the "boys only" KES, being surrounded by girls was quite fun for James. Victor, still at KES told his mother that she was ruining his life and that he was never going to meet girls! The phone at the house seldom stopped ringing with squeeky voices wanting to speak to James. After a while I do admit to being a bit of a battle-axe because the young ladies seldom greeted me, introduced themselves, or in any other way showed manners beyond saying - "Can I speak to James?" This really annoyed me no end. I would become just as abnoxious as firmly say "No" - more often than not followed by a startled response of "why not?" I would then reply that he was not home, not available, or whatever the circumstance was. Then the audacious young lady would ask me to take a message which I firmly declined, saying that I was not his secretary!! (*chuckle*) The tenacious few would soon figure out that if they at least said hello, introduced themselves and politely asked if James was available, they would get a whole lot friendlier response!
In spite of being such a hard-ass mom, James seldom had lack of female admirers, especially after he started a rowing club for the school and then became an absolute hero. Not lacking is self-confidence, he and a friend once entered the "Miss Clapham" competition and literally brought the house down!
But I digress. After completing his matric, Victor studied Mechanical Engineering at the University of Durban and James went to Stellenbosch University to study Electrical/Electronic Engineering. They still remained in contact even as both he and Victor moved around the country for a few years before both landing up in Johannesburg, where at one stage they even worked for the same company!
Their friendship has lasted over 30 years and I have often wondered what is the glue that holds them together. Neither of them had a blissful childhood and often the choices made by their parents would have had less then an ideal influence over them. In the beginning they had no option but to spend time with each other, their mothers were friends, so by default they had to be friends too. The boys have widely different personalities, yet when it counted most, they were there for each other. At different times their roles and responsibilities within their friendship changed to suit the occasion, but their support, strength, advice and cameraderie I think is closer than those of brothers - because they choose to be friends!
In many ways the various paths chosen by them have similarities and convergences which still amaze me: James married Nathaly in 2006 and Victor was the best man. Victor married Candice in the little church in Haenertsburg in 2009 and James was his best man. James and and Nathaly have a daughter, Skye. Victor and Candice too have a daughter, Amelia. Two years ago James, Nathaly and Skye, moved to Brisbane Australia. Last month Victor, Candice and Amelia also moved to Brisbane, and the two boys are now fully grown men with families of their own, living halfway around the world.Moving to a new country 12 000km away from home, with its different cultures and rules is never easy, but in this case they will be okay as their friendship continues to survive what life, love and the universe throws at them. And even though I miss them terribly, knowing that they have each other makes it easier to bear.
The Men - 2009
