The 8 best kind of friends

Edna Buchanan wrote that friends are the family we choose for ourselves and lists the five friends every woman should have as The Uplifter, The Travel Buddy, The Truth Teller, The Girl Who Justs Want to Have Fun and The Unlikely Friend. Although I agree with most of what she says, my list encompasses much more than she imagined and honours the people who are most important to me.

In my universe I would rather categorise them a little differently and their roles, influences, friendship, encouragement and support through some interesting times have greatly contributed towards the person I have become.

Here is my list of the friends every woman should have:

Elegance and Grace

A woman older: the woman you aspire to be. In most cases very different to you, behaves with utmost grace and charm, has an answer to those difficult questions and willingly shares her wisdom and outlook on life with you. Allways immaculately groomed and elegant, her home is stylish and comfortable. She has incredibly good taste and remains her own person under the most trying circumstances. Tough when she needs to be yet loving and kind to those who need a bit of TLC.

A woman younger: the woman you in turn teach what life has tought you and in the process learn a little more about yourself. The one who comes to you with life's little drama's and expects you to know the answer and you find yourself thinking what is best for her, and not necessarily what you would do in the same situation. Because let's face it - the way you dealt with the same problem last time did not work out so well, did it?

The women in my life 2003

A woman who knows you best: the one woman in the world you do not have to impress or hide from, she has seen you at your worst and best and in spite of everything, still remains a part of your life - even if it is just because she was there at a time when you not even vaguely human. Sharing the trials and tribulations of raising kids and life in general, she is the one who laughs hysterically when you share a sad story - because it is what the situation demands!

A woman to be giddy with: the woman who will drive all the way to the Drakenberg with you just because there was a rumour of snow on the mountains. She is the one who will have fish (marshmallows) and chips (potato crisps) for dinner and call it a balanced meal. Will spend the entire weekend watching disaster movies with you and would help you bury the body instead of just hiding it.

The Grouting Blow-Job

A woman to share your passion with: the woman who understands your obsession with something, in this case mosaic, and not only shares her knowledge but offers suggestions and a sympathetic ear when your clever plan does not work out. She understands what your addiction is about and will don her ugliest clothes and destroy her nails to help you install a mosaic - and in the process help you create a new undiscovered technique.


A woman who drives you nuts: Okay, so maybe not a friend but the one person in the world who knows exactly which buttons to push. No matter how hard you try to ignore her, she stays a constant irritation in your world and even if you imagine her most hideous demise - she has a role to play. She is the one who will point our your flaws, shortcomings and mistakes - real or imagined - in the harshest way which does force you to look at yourself and wonder if she does have a point after all. In the end you realise that she is nothing more than a mirror-image of your worst self and when you can stand up to her, you are much stronger than you imagined.

None of these women are slotted into little boxes and required to only perform their allocated roles. They overlap in the most delightful and surprising ways as I discover new aspects of their personalities and how they share their worlds with me.

A very popular poster of the seventies stated:

A friend will know you better in the moments you meet

than an acquintance will in a thousand years

and therein lies the beauty of our friendship. They are all so very different and yet they provide me with magical little pieces of love, understanding, support and guidance when I need it most and I love them dearly.

A gay male: I have no idea what is the basis of the magic in this relationship and why a man's sexuality should even be a criteria, but it just is! Whether it is their instinctive kindness, their amazing listening ability, their patience and understanding of the slightest nuance of any situation - or all of the above! All I do know is that they are not a social accessory as some of the meaner tabloids call it - they are wonderful human beings who enrich the lives of the women they befriend and are an amazing source of inspired conversations.

A lover, partner and friend: If you are lucky enough to find a very special man who "gets you", understands where you are coming from and what you hope to achieve, encourages you to try new things, is happy to let you potter around doing your own thing, is not narrow-minded or possesive, does not avoid discussing difficult topics, supports your efforts and is basically your biggest fan, loves you in spite of menopause, raging hormones and whacky biorhythms - you kinda consider yourself landed with bum firmly in butter.

Ian & Cher 2008

Besides the obvious benefits of having a man in your life, being in love is only a part of it - the other part is communication - of all kinds, nothing is too simple or too technical. Ian is a scientist which means his world is constructed in black and white. I on the other hand am an avid student of human nature which means in my world there are a gazillion shades of grey, yet there is no subject we cannot talk about, from our passion for Sci-Fi to his keen interest in real scientific stuff, (half of which I dont understand, true, but love hearing the sound of his voice) from the quirks and foibles of our doggie children to the collapse of the Africa he grew up in.
When we first met, I was very much at war with the world and could go from zero to Bitch in less than 0.02 seconds if I felt my world was been threatened in any way. But he somehow changed that - he put the Bitch out of business by surrounding me with his love, support and complete acceptance. And at the end of the day, he is the most important person in my world and my bestest friend.