Essential Service

About 10 years ago the universe decided to throw the book at me! I am not saying that it was undeserved - I had done some pretty weird, wonderful and sometimes questionablel things and perhaps it was time for a reality check. Either way, Murphy, bio-rhythms, horoscopes and whatever other force out there that influences our lives, had all come together in the same time period to drop a whole bunch of bad things on my head.

I was going through a divorce, fighting to save my business after my major shareholder had done a bunk down under and in trying to keep a lid on everything, went to a therapist to help me deal with some anger issues. This was not a good move, as before I knew it, some hypno-therapy was applied which scratched open a whole other world of weird stuff from my childhood! So instead of getting better - I had to deal with residue rejection, intimacy, abuse and a myriad of other issues as well. I was definitely not in a happy place:(

Having never had to deal with depression but considering myself pretty tough, I got through every day by doing what needed to be done, nothing more, nothing less - without giving too much thought about what I was doing or why. The sense of failure and uselessness pretty much pervaded my sense of self and I did not think too much about tomorrow or the next day. Right now and getting through the next task was all that mattered.

What began as an absolutely inconsequential event soon escalated into a weird fixation. I walked into the office bathroom to discover that the toilet paper roll was empty, so I replaced it. Later that day I went to a friends house, went to the bathroom ... the toilet paper roll was empty, so I replaced it. Not thinking - just doing what needed to be done.

This happened a few more times over the next few days. No matter where I went - home, office, client, friend, casino, restaurant, movies, garage restrooms - it did not matter. When I got to the loo, the toiler paper roll was empty, so I replaced it, this time adding a deft little fold to the end!

And so it began - this was my message from the universe! That I was not entirely useless and that I could provide this essential service to my fellow human by ensuring that there was plenty loo paper available! From then on it was a case of actively seeking out the toilets in public places to find the stall with an empty toilet roll. If I did find one with an almost empty roll, I will happily use up the last bit so that I could provide my little essential service.

I then started to notice that not all spare toilet rolls were kept in conventional holders. I became pretty adept at dropping the spare rolls on the tower holders in shopping centres and some contraptions were a tad more challenging. There were the expected crocheted balloon dresses on Barbie Dolls in office bathrooms and some quirky ones in private homes too.

Gradually, without much fanfare or major epiphanies, my sense of humor returned at the pure incongruity of the whole situation. As my attitude improved and became more positive, the incidence of empty toilet rolls seemed to decrease, until they became the exception rather than the rule. I found myself having to work harder at finding those empty toilet rolls and in the process started laughing at my ridiculous pursuit of them.

It is something that I find a bit difficult to explain to people. Everytime I change a toilet roll I smile remembering those dark days and how this simple task was the beginning of restoring my rather battered self esteem. And how in the process I discovered that it does not matter how dark and dismal things appear, if you look hard enough ... you can always find something to do to keep you going while you heal.

My gift to you (with many apologies to the Irish)

"May you always find a full toilet roll"